DEAR CAROLINE: I worry that my son will have a lonely old age

Q My hubby and I person been happily joined for astir 40 years and person 2 children successful their 30s. While our girl is successful a loving matrimony and has 2 small ones, our boy is still single. He has had a fewer relationships, usually short-lived, and while he ever says he is ‘madly successful love’ astatine nan beginning, they ne'er last. 

To beryllium honest, astir of his girlfriends person seemed a small dull to us. The only 1 we really liked – who was pinch him for astir 3 years – yet told america aft she near that he was never going to commit. She desperately wanted children but he didn’t, and she knew he would ne'er alteration his mind. They person stayed friends and she is now joined pinch mini children. Our boy moreover goes to spot her and nan kids sometimes, and has go a benignant of uncle fig – he is simply a bully uncle to his sister’s children, too. I consciousness that he must regret not having stayed pinch this girlfriend. 

However, he insists he doesn’t want nan work aliases cost of children, though he does opportunity he would for illustration a partner. He has a decent profession and often takes short-term contracts abroad. He seems to thrive connected nan excitement of perpetually being successful a caller situation. However, I fearfulness he will regret not having children successful nan agelong tally and person a lonely aged property if he can’t commit.

A I do sympathise, but you request to effort to fto spell of nan fears for your son’s early because it is only causing you stress. Yes, he mightiness consciousness immoderate sadness that his narration pinch his ex ended because he appears very fond of her. However, that doesn’t mean he regrets his decision, arsenic yet they wanted different things. 

For truthful galore people, nan thrust to person children is strong, but this is not nan lawsuit for everyone. Please beryllium honorable pinch yourself and inquire really overmuch of this is nan interest astir your boy being lonely successful aged property (a agelong clip away!) aliases is partially astir your ain wish for much grandchildren. 

It sounds arsenic if he is simply a small hooked connected romance, falling madly successful emotion astatine nan opening past nan liking fading erstwhile he realises they are not nan cleanable female of his imagination. There is immoderate immaturity here. I fishy your boy is afloat of charm and has ever recovered it easy to pull women. This, coupled pinch nan problem of net making love – that personification caller will ever travel on – mightiness person contributed to this reluctance to commit. I would beryllium concerned if I thought this meant he wasn’t treating women good but, arsenic he is still awesome friends pinch his ex, it is hopefully not nan case. 

Try to relax. He is simply a benignant uncle, a loving boy and a bully friend. As agelong arsenic he is not unhappy, nan partner tin travel on erstwhile your boy is ready.

 IS SHE EXPLOITING OUR ELDERLY MOTHER?

Q I americium fed up pinch my sister taking advantage of our mother’s kindness. My sister joined precocious and has children nether ten, while excavation are adults. She lives adjacent our mum and she and her hubby are still asking her to babysit and cod nan children from schoolhouse 3 times a week, which is excessively much. My mum, a widow, is successful reasonably bully wellness but is 79, and my sister forgets this. 

I asked Mum really she felt astir being truthful progressive and she admitted she’d for illustration to do less. I’ve urged her to show my sister this but she doesn’t want to upset her. They haven’t ever had nan easiest relationship. I’d speak to my sister myself but I cognize she would only beryllium defensive.

A Your sister is intelligibly difficult territory and, yes, it does sound, unfortunately, arsenic if she would return immoderate attack from you arsenic an attack. However, arsenic your mother has not had nan easiest narration pinch her, it’s understandable that she doesn’t want to stone nan vessel successful lawsuit it affects her closeness to her grandchildren. She whitethorn besides beryllium worried astir ‘giving in’ to aged age. If older group relinquish their normal activities, it tin make them consciousness anxious aliases depressed astir nary longer being useful. But I do deliberation you are correct to protect her a little. 

So possibly conscionable opportunity to your sister (or her husband, if he is easier) that your mother seems tired these days and you are worried astir her. This will sow nan seeds for a much nonstop attack if needed. Meanwhile, proceed to thief your mother build up her assurance to show your sister that it’s excessively much. If thing changes, you mightiness person to beryllium somewhat much nonstop pinch your sister astir your concerns.